Did you read that fancy article I was featured in? Do read I got featured! I got featured! I got featured! that talks about the ‘how and why’ of the Tripcrafters‘ article ‘Top Indian Food Bloggers & Their Favourite Places To Travel For Food’ and give me some more love. I’ve been rather excited about the feature. And the timing of the article was rather apt, coming around the completion of two years of From the Corner Table.
Or does it?
I’ve always believed this to be a matter of perspective.
There are phases in life that whiz by like the passing scenery on a high-speed motorway. And then there are phases when every moment seems to be stuck in slow motion, almost like painful traffic jams when your car moves at a pace slower than a snail’s.
It’s been two years to the time I published the first post on From The Corner Table and since then, life has a blogger has been… interesting (for lack of a better word!)
Agonising over the numbers of the followers, wondering over the ‘why did this not work’ to facing a roadblock in the form of an illness that left me unable to write for more than 6 months – there were times when I questioned myself, my abilities and decisions.
The self-doubt was never restricted to the blogging aspect of life. Being plagued with queries and slipping into that dark whirlpool of depressing thoughts is common for an individual dealing with chronic depression and APD.
Was I wrong to have left a job even though it was stifling me?
Was I wrong to have attempted to turn my passion into a profession?
Was I wrong to have opened up about my battle with a mental health illness?
Was I wrong to have spoken up for myself before that ‘friend’?
Was I wrong to have turned down that project because it didn’t adhere to my sensibilities?
Why did my friend turn her back on me?
Why did he say that to me?
Why did she look at me in that manner?
Am I too privileged to have a mental health issue?
Am I wrong? Was I wrong? Will I ever succeed? Will I ever be right?
Dark and gloomy, self-deprecating, questioning thoughts like these may seem overkill for many. On a flip side, thoughts as these could make an interesting premise for a novel whose pages could be filled with thundering clouds, lonely walks through wet landscapes, a lot of hand wringing, sobbing and heart wrenching screams.
Or they could mark the part of a journey of healing, a happy story of an individual who took time to rebuild herself. I prefer the latter as that is the truth.
Stronger, happier, improved me
Whilst celebrating my birthday in the last week of November, I noted several changes – of the good kind – in myself.
The ‘me’ that writing this article is a happier and stronger version of the ‘me’ of 2018.
The ‘me’ of 2018 found happiness in the sense of achievement as she went through life, one day at a time.
The ‘me’ of 2019 continues to find happiness in the same; while looking forward to stepping out into the world yet again to carve a space for herself.
The ‘me’ of 2018 was tentative around people, teetering on eggshells as she attempted to reconnect with people.
The ‘me’ of 2019 is back to being that slightly unabashed and irreverent soul who is willing to chuck ‘embarrassment’ out of the window to ask people for tips on how to connect with old acquaintances and friends. And some more!
The ‘me’ of 2018 was struggling to find her voice.
The ‘me’ of 2019 has found her voice and wants to lend it to others who are attempting to find their voice.
The ‘me’ of 2018 struggled with waking up in the morning and facing the world.
The ‘me’ of 2019 still struggles but has learned to just let herself be on some days and push herself on others.
The ‘me’ of 2018 hated the sight of herself, struggled with food shaming and body shaming.
The ‘me’ of 2019 is learning to love herself again, be gentle and accepting to her changing body.
The ‘me’ of 2019 is also aware that I’m not the only one who has grown as a person.
As we move into 2020, the ‘me’ wants to – and will – continue to work towards being stronger and happier.
What about you? What is your ‘me’ story? Do you want to tell me about the way you’ve grown in this last year? Would you like me to give you a space to share? Let me know in the comment section below – I’ll be waiting to read your story and be inspired.